I am Kim and welcome to In Search of Me in Mommy!
Initially I didn't realize that I was lost. I had everything I ever wanted - a wonderful (most of the time) husband, two children that were healthy and happy (again, most of the time) and I felt lucky (you guessed it – most of the time) to be able to stay at home. And this is what I want, but somewhere in between night feedings and preschool registration I changed – my conversations were not the same, my interests altered, friendships were different, and my days were unlike ones before children. Early on, I had no time to mourn the loss of my previous life or to contemplate how motherhood would change me and the person I am. But, as the boys started preschool, I began to feel the urge to figure out “what is next” for me. In trying to answer this question, I realized that I don’t really know myself anymore. The dreams, goals, and aspirations that I had prior to motherhood, feel a bit like square pegs in round holes.
Before staying home with my boys, I worked for twelve years at various colleges and universities in Residence Life and Student Life Departments. I truly value education and loved my undergraduate experience where I received a BA in Individual and Family Studies. After graduating from college I went on to pursue my master degree in Higher Education Administration. I really liked working with college student and treasured my experiences and my friendships with co-workers and former students - but in my heart, I always knew that my "calling" was to be a mom.
Now that I am a mom, I am realizing that the visions that I had about motherhood is very different than the reality. There are many ups, downs, twists, turns, and unexpected loops. I strongly believe in being honest and open about the challenges of motherhood - sometimes, just sharing those "horrible" thoughts and feelings I have about my children or about being a mom, takes away the associated guilt and shame, because I find I am not alone and that other moms - good moms - understand exactly what I mean.