I started this blog over six months ago with the mission to find myself and learn a little bit more about who I am beyond a mom and a wife. And I dove head first into the journey. I read voraciously and delved into my soul to find answers to some hard questions. It was six months of purposely searching for me in mommy! I grew, I learned, I had some wonderful Aha moments, and I faced some painful issues, made some grand decisions, and even found pieces of me.
All in all, it felt wonderfully revealing and amazingly insightful!
And, for the past month, or so, I have felt all fizzled out.
I have, often, sat at my computer, wanting to post some insightful prose, but instead felt empty. Not empty, in a disparaging, hopeless way but instead in an "all tapped out" way. I had no more Jack Handy deep thoughts to give.
Typically in similar situations I would beat myself up, questioning my commitment, feeling guilty about not having the goods, and condemning my inability to meet a self-imposed expectation. Instead, I examined the validity of the expectation and I realized something paramount about this journey.
In a search for self, there are times for contentment and absorption of lesson learned. These times are just as important, and perhaps even more valuable than the actual examination, probing, and pursuit.
So for now, I am marinating in the juices of my aha moments and lessons learned.
Still on the search, but perhaps at a slower, more tranquil pace.
