This mom's purposeful journey to rediscover herself
Saturday, February 20, 2010
How does this happen? I remember when I knew I could be anything I wanted to be! And, for me, an education seemed to be the key. “Go to school, get and education and you can become anything you want!” I took that to heart. Although not the straight A student – I graduated college with decent grades. At the age of 23, just after receiving my BA, I remember feeling this amazing feeling that I was ready to tackle to world. It felt like the possibilities were endless. I could choose my career path – and there were so many choices. I could move and live anywhere I wanted. I had no ties, no commitments and no responsibilities to anyone but me.
So I began to make decisions – I knew that I valued education, but had determined that teaching K-12 was not my calling – so I looked at higher education and decided to pursue a master’s degree. Off to Chicago and graduate school I went. Some of my fondest memories were when I lived in Chicago studying for school, working an internship (which paid for school and housing) and conquering the city. It was such a monumental time for me – I was independent (mostly), pursing my education, and being successful.
After graduating with a masters degree I began the job search and found my first “professional” job at a University. I moved to a tiny town in Wisconsin and “began” my life. Two years later, I moved yet again to the Cleveland, Ohio area for a new job, at a small liberal arts college, where I had more responsibilities and more money. My career was going great! For the next 7 years, each time I was feeling the itch to grow more in my career, I was able to find new opportunities at the same college and my position changed and grew with me. Also during this time, my personal life had turned a corner and I met my husband and got married. Now I was beginning to grow roots and find a sense of “home” that I didn’t previously have. The roots grew deeper as we had our children and subsequently became a stay at home mom.
I got my education, had my career, found my home, and loved my life that I made. But, recently, while searching for what is next for me I found that the sense of “I can be anything” has been replaced by what “I am”. I am a wife and a SAHM, who previously worked on a college campus. So while thinking of other careers, jobs, or things (for lack of a better word) I might like to do, I hear a little voice inside my head say “but, that’s not you”. For example, like many bloggers, I think I might like to write – but the little voice says “You didn’t major in English”, “You didn’t take writing or journalism classes.” “Those people are the writers and authors, not you.” Since I am interested in stuff outside of what my degrees are in, my education seem to of pigeon holed me into an identity that no longer fits. Recently, I began to ask myself, “How is it that my pursuit of being ‘anything I want to be’ has become the barrier to my new anything?” Without any good answer that supports that belief I have begun to tear down the wall and to see the possibilities again. My studies, as I previously surmised, are not my destination, instead they one part of my life’s path to various anythings.