When insecurities rear their ugly heads

Last night I found myself caught up in one of my insecurities. Ugh, I hate that! It is such a defeating, lonesome feeling and often, when I am in the midst of it, I have a hard time putting it into perspective. It happened at the parenting class I am taking. I was sitting next to a fellow mom who, if grades were being given, she – without a doubt, would get an A+. She has dove head first into the philosophy and implemented it successfully. The fantastic stories that she relates to the class are right on target and her children have responded positively. Throughout the last night’s class, while listening to her tales, I found myself having two very different thoughts and feelings. Part of me thought “Oh, come on, Lady! It can’t ALL be that rosy and wonderful! All that ‘perfection’ you’re oozing is a farce! Please, GET REAL!” And another part of me jealously, silently screamed “Whaaaaaa, I want THAT to be me!”

I sat through the two hour class, feeling ill at ease. All of this internal dissidence led me to question myself, second guess many of my parenting skills (much of which, is successful and healthy), and feel, well, insecure. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it), I have had lots of practice with my insecurities, so after a bit of space during the drive home, I was able to put it in perspective. I reminded myself, not to compare and in the words of Stuart Smalley, I thought, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me!”  And, I felt a bit better.  Am I cured of these insecurities? – absolutely NOT! I know they will rear their ugly heads again, just hopefully not at next week’s class.