Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Half Marathon Training...Facing Fears

The Disney Half Marathon Wine and Dine is in just 44 days and I am CRAZY scared!

Two weeks ago we were on a family vacation and my workouts were horrible. It was hot, humid, and I was incredibly sluggish. One of my runs was only 2 miles and I even had to stop and walk for part of it and none my other runs on vacation felt even a little good. So, for the past two weeks the training has felt like a losing battle. When I have a bad run, I begin to question IF I can ever do it and I feel overwhelmed by the distance (or lack of distance) and the speed (or lack of speed), and want to just plain quit. I know that it is SO mental and am more and more understanding why many people say that it is 90% mental and the rest is physical.

It is FEAR. 

  • Fear of not being successful. 

  • Fear of feeling like a fraud, because no matter how much I try to convice myself differently, I do not identify as a "runner" or an "athlete". 

  • The fear of how I will feel as my insecurities are tested at the race when I am surrounded by thinner, faster, more fit, "real" runners. 

  • Fear of the pain I will feel, both mental an physical. 

  • Fear of feeling like the "fat" girl. 

  • Fear of failure. 

  • Fear of not having fun because I let my mind and negative thoughts determine my experience. 

  • Fear that I will not be able to run 13.1 miles.
And, I know that "Fear is an acronym in the English language for ' False Evidence Appearing Real'"* and that I need to face these fears to remove their debilitating power. 

I am not exactly sure how to face them...but I think I need to...

  • continue to train, even when I am afraid that I can't make the distance, especially during my long runs.

  • shift my negative self-talk, (My Inner Mean Girl, Catty Patty) by repeating my running affirmations "I am powerful!"  "I am stong!"  "I can do this!"  "I am worth it!" and repeat while running, as needed.

  • remind myself that this is MY race and comparing myself to ANYONE is a true disservice to ME.

  • embrace me, as I am.  (To realized that..."Yes, I am overweight and 41 years old and not typically an athlete, but I am doing this and I deserve to feel proud of myself!")

  • accept that there will be workouts that aren't great, but one day does not make me a failure.

  • celebrate and feel joy!  (This is hard for me to do)
That is my plan...and it feels pretty good right now.

This week my training schedule is to do three 3-4 mile and a 7 miles run.  Wish me luck!

*quote credit:  Neale Donald Walsch

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