The Disney Half Marathon Wine and Dine is in just 44 days and I am CRAZY scared!
Two weeks ago we were on a family vacation and my workouts were horrible. It was hot, humid, and I was incredibly sluggish. One of my runs was only 2 miles and I even had to stop and walk for part of it and none my other runs on vacation felt even a little good. So, for the past two weeks the training has felt like a losing battle. When I have a bad run, I begin to question IF I can ever do it and I feel overwhelmed by the distance (or lack of distance) and the speed (or lack of speed), and want to just plain quit. I know that it is SO mental and am more and more understanding why many people say that it is 90% mental and the rest is physical.
It is FEAR.
Fear of not being successful.
Fear of feeling like a fraud, because no matter how much I try to convice myself differently, I do not identify as a "runner" or an "athlete".
The fear of how I will feel as my insecurities are tested at the race when I am surrounded by thinner, faster, more fit, "real" runners.
Fear of the pain I will feel, both mental an physical.
Fear of feeling like the "fat" girl.
Fear of failure.
Fear of not having fun because I let my mind and negative thoughts determine my experience.
Fear that I will not be able to run 13.1 miles.
And, I know that "Fear is an acronym in the English language for ' False Evidence Appearing Real'"* and that I need to face these fears to remove their debilitating power.
I am not exactly sure how to face them...but I think I need to...
continue to train, even when I am afraid that I can't make the distance, especially during my long runs.
shift my negative self-talk, (My Inner Mean Girl, Catty Patty) by repeating my running affirmations "I am powerful!" "I am stong!" "I can do this!" "I am worth it!" and repeat while running, as needed.
remind myself that this is MY race and comparing myself to ANYONE is a true disservice to ME.
embrace me, as I am. (To realized that..."Yes, I am overweight and 41 years old and not typically an athlete, but I am doing this and I deserve to feel proud of myself!")
accept that there will be workouts that aren't great, but one day does not make me a failure.
celebrate and feel joy! (This is hard for me to do)
That is my plan...and it feels pretty good right now.
This week my training schedule is to do three 3-4 mile and a 7 miles run. Wish me luck!
*quote credit: Neale Donald Walsch
