I am a 40 year old stay at home mother of two boys (a 5 year old and an almost 4 year old). In the past 10 y
ears, my life has changed quite a bit. Since 2000, I met my husband, (after years of random dates and many dating droughts), got married, had two children in 14 months, quit my career to be a stay at home with my children, moved three times, and amidst it all, I lost a bit of myself.Initially I didn't realize that I was lost. I had everything I ever wanted - a wonderful (most of the time) husband, two children that were healthy and happy (again, most of the time) and I felt lucky (you guessed it – most of the time) to be able to stay at home. And this is what I want, but somewhere in between night feedings and preschool registration I changed – my conversations were not the same, my interests altered, friendships were different, and my days were unlike ones before children. Early on, I had no time to mourn the loss of my previous life or to contemplate how motherhood would change me and the person I am. But, as the boys started preschool, I began to feel the urge to figure out “what is next” for me. In trying to answer this question, I realized that I don’t really know myself anymore. The dreams, goals, and aspirations that I had prior to motherhood, feel a bit like square pegs in round holes. I am, proudly, a mother and a wife, yet somewhere, lost in those roles, is me. So here I am - at the beginning of my purposeful journey. I don’t know where this trek will take me, or how it will progress, but nonetheless I am ready for the ride! This year, I am on a search of ME within the chaos of motherhood.
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