Failure.
Disappointment.
Regret.
But surprisingly those feelings are (mostly) not about the Half Marathon that I didn't do. Those feelings are about this blog...that I left hanging, undone, and alone. More so, I felt sad that My Search for Me in Mommy seemed to have fizzled.
Or did it? I don't know... When I started my blog, I planned to write about my "purposeful" journey for 1 year...but in reality, I only completed 6 months. And in that sense, it is a failure.
But, when I reflect back on January - June 2010, I know, in my heart, that I did not fail! During that time I grew tenfold. I found nuggets of wisdom that I never knew I had. I realized more of "ME" than I ever could have dreamed. I began to feel more comfortable in my skin and more authentic. Dare, I say...I TRANSFORMED? Yes, I believe I did. And, all of that is what I set out to accomplish. YEAH ME!
So then, I asked myself, what happened from July-December? I know that I became focused on my new business (Little Hands Artwork) and directed my energy there. And, definitely took up much of my time that I would have otherwise spent on my blog. But, also, during the last six months of the year, I also found myself (consciously, and unconsciously) sifting through the realizations, lessons, and Ahas of the previous months. I "tried them on" to see what fit me and learned which ones I owned, which ones that I still need to grow into, and which ones I could discard. That sifting, is still happening...as with everything, it is a process.
So is it a failure?...NO it is not! But I am disappointed that I did not continue in a more purposeful way. And I do regret that I did not follow through with my one year plan - as it would have seemingly wrapped it up in a beautifully wrapped package.But I guess, journeys like this, don't fit into pretty presents.
So I sit here among the roles of wrappings, the crumpled tissue paper and the pretty bows...and I am enjoying this moment.
Happy New Year Everyone!
