Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Crumpled Tissue Paper and Pretty Bows

Every day when I turned on my computer, since September 30, 2010, this blog, that I have set as my home page, has come up on my screen.  Every day since September 30, 2010, I saw the title of my last post, "The Half Marathon That Wasn't" and I felt a twinge of...something...


But surprisingly those feelings are (mostly) not about the Half Marathon that I didn't do.  Those feelings are about this blog...that I left hanging, undone, and alone.  More so, I felt sad that My Search for Me in Mommy seemed to have fizzled.

Or did it?  I don't know...  When I started my blog, I planned to write about my "purposeful" journey for 1 year...but in reality, I only completed 6 months.  And in that sense, it is a failure. 

But, when I reflect back on January - June 2010, I know, in my heart, that I did not fail!   During that time I grew tenfold.  I found nuggets of wisdom that I never knew I had.  I realized more of "ME" than I ever could have dreamed.  I began to feel more comfortable in my skin and more authentic.  Dare, I say...I TRANSFORMED?  Yes, I believe I did.  And, all of that is what I set out to accomplish.  YEAH ME!

So then, I asked myself, what happened from July-December?  I know that I became focused on my new business (Little Hands Artwork) and directed my energy there.  And, definitely took up much of my time that I would have otherwise spent on my blog.  But, also, during the last six months of the year, I also found myself (consciously, and unconsciously) sifting through the realizations, lessons, and Ahas of the previous months.  I "tried them on" to see what fit me and learned which ones I owned, which ones that I still need to grow into, and which ones I could discard.  That sifting, is still happening...as with everything, it is a process. 

So is it a failure?...NO it is not!  But I am disappointed that I did not continue in a more purposeful way.  And I do regret that I did not follow through with my one year plan - as it would have seemingly wrapped it up in a beautifully wrapped package.

But I guess, journeys like this, don't fit into pretty presents.

So I sit here among the roles of wrappings, the crumpled tissue paper and the pretty bows...and I am enjoying this moment.

Happy New Year Everyone!

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