Tuesday, June 8, 2010


Right now I am struggling with my average-ness.

According to Yahoo Thesaurus Average means...
"Being of no special quality or type: common, commonplace, cut-and-dried, formulaic, garden, garden-variety, indifferent, mediocre, ordinary, plain, routine, run-of-the-mill, standard, stock, undistinguished, unexceptional, unremarkable."
When I was growing up I seemed, well, average. 
  • I graduated smack-dab in the middle of my graduating class - a solid C or C+ student. 
  • I wasn't popular - but I had friends and was likable enough.
  • I didn't excel at anything in particular...I tried out for track, but instead of running, I was asked to be the team manager.  I was on flagline, but not a captain.  I played the musical instruments, but was in concert band, not symphonic.
  • I wasn't in honors classes - but I did not have to take remedial courses... (I could go on...)
And I embraced my average-ness.  I became good finding my place somewhere in the middle - in between the wondrous shining stars and the in-different f-ups of the world.  I feel comfortable being behind the scenes, and am skilled at blending into the background.  When faced with a situation when I need to be in the spotlight, I manage and am successful, but feel relieved when the heat of the light is gone.  I know enough about a lot, but not too much to be an "expert" about anything. 

Because I defined myself as average.

I'm not so sure if I want to embrace my average-ness anymore.  I think, perhaps, I am hiding behind it.  And, that it is holding me back from more. 

But, you know what?  ...It seems to be so ingrained in who I am, that I feel completely, utterly, clueless about how to proceed. 

So, I guess, for now, I'll just take the time to live in and experience this place - the space between the realization of a flawed definition of self and the revealing of a new me.

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