Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dear Fat Girl

I was reading a blog, The Promise 365, by Jamie Eslinger in which she posted a letters from her Fat-Self to her Skinny-Self based on an exercise from the book, A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson.
I was inspired!  So I bought the book and am reading it.  I have found some nuggets of goodness!  And, thus far, the biggest impact has been writing to my Fat-Self and Fit-Self (for me, "fit" was more comfortable than "skinny".)  I wrote these letters over a week ago, and I have been hesitant to share, as it feels quite personal and I feel incredibly vulnerable.  But it has been SO powerful for me that I decided to post them. 

Today is the first letter to my FAT-Self, from my FIT-Self.  And the next post will be a responce from my FAT-Self.

Dear Fat Girl Kim-

Dang, at times, you make me sad, disappointed and ashamed of myself. When I look at you I cringe with hatred!

Do you know how beautiful I am? You cover me up and won’t let others see my beauty. That pisses me off!

Please stop. Please stop getting in the way of me.

I see myself so clearly in my mind, but when I see you in the mirror or a picture, I am shocked! When did you take over? How did I let that happen? I know it is scary to let go of that layer of protection you have provided me. But you are stopping me from enjoying and participating in my best life.

Being alone WAS scary. It was frightening and felt incredibly overwhelming at times. I know you tried to protect me from those feelings. But, now you are not alone. And yes, you proved that you are worth it, no matter the size! YES, we are truly worthy of love and happiness! But, still, you continue to isolate me from others and from my best life. I’m tired of having my wall of fat up and blocking people out.

I want to let others in and I want to let my true self shine. I want to run and hike and dance and move freely. I want to stand in front of others feeling proud of myself. You get in my way.
What do you need from me so we can move forward? I think it is love. But I am not sure if I know how to love you...

I guess I’ll start with gratitude...

Thank you for trying to protect me from the pain of loneliness, failure and rejection. Yes, those are scary feelings – But, stuffing and numbing the pain with food, wine, and inactivity only increases the fear. And, I have learned that facing fears, head on, takes away their power. I know that your intentions were good and for that, thank you!

But this has to end. P.L.E.A.S.E!

Now, can we find other ways to deal with those painful feelings? Believe it or not, I want to feel them. Yep, that is terrifying, but I know that on the other side of the fear there is pure joy!

Please – join me! We can do this!

Fit Girl Kim

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