Thanks for the reminder!

Today I am thankful for my boys' enthusiam for learning!

One day, while driving home from school, we saw an ambulance.  Alex noticed the blinking blue light (a sensor for emergency vehiles) in the middle of the traffic lights and was incredibly curious!  He asked so many questions, and kept wanting know more!  I explain what the light did and why it was there.  He was SO exicted to learn about it that he told everyone* about the blue light and the ambulance. 

Each school day the boys have to write the "news" that they want to share with their friends at school.  The next morning, of course, Alex picked to write about and draw the ambulance and lights.

"We saw an ambulance."

So often, I find, that I don't want to take the time to learn new things.  I have especially found that with this blog...I get so frustrated when I can't figure out how to do something (I think should be simple, like change the look of my blog, or add a link, or email responces to folks who comment) that I simply give up.  Clearly, in these instances, I have lost the excitement of learning and working through a problem.

So, Alex, thanks for the much needed reminder!

What are you thankful for that your kids have reminded you about?

*when I say everyone, I mean the cashier at the grocery store, other shoppers, a random stranger in the parking lot, his grandmother that lives 600 miles away, his father as soon as he got home from work, and a neighbor who stopped by that evening.

Dear Lord?!!?

I am not typically a very religious person. But today, when I was having a difficult mom moment, I wrote this prayer.   To be as forthright as possible, I should note that I have NEVER before written a prayer – and it was not a moment of religious enlightenment – it was just me (feeling exhausted, annoyed, frustrated, and desperate) throwing my hands up in the air and saying “help!”

I addressed it as “Dear Lord” because those are two words I use often (however, I should confess, it is not said in a very kind tone – it is my go-to exasperated and annoyed exclamation) and it is the name I use to refer to a Higher Being. Please feel free to substitute with a name/title/being that is most comfortable for you.

Dear Lord,

Please give me the strength to deal with my children…

Help me to have…

• The patience to listen and care, even about the seemingly mundane and childish things,
• The understanding to know when to offer support and when to appropriately challenge,
• The ability to not get annoyed at their pestering and pushiness,
• The wherewithal to persist in being the mom that I want to be, instead of mentally and emotionally running away,
• The happiness and joy that I think I should be feeling more often,
• The endurance to continue with the day-to-day aggravations and humdrum tasks of raising children,
• The energy and enthusiasm to play and have fun with them,
• The empathy for their tears and crying and the awareness that their emotions are real – even when, to me, they seem to be excessively dramatic and over reactive,
• The knack to appropriately cope with their whining,
• The stamina to follow through with consequences and teachable moments,
• The kindness they deserve, especially when I am tired, drained, and spent.

And, please give me the capacity to forgive myself, when I can not find the strength to meet all these expectations.

Amen.

Today I am participating in Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday hosted by Shell at Things I Can't Say.
For some more great posts check out all the other blogger Pour Your Heart Out links!

Solitude and Bunnies

So way back in January, I was determined to lose weight and focus on my health and wellness. And, truly I was committed…for a while. And then I wasn’t, and then I was, wasn’t, was…and the cycle continued. I went on spurts with weeks of intense exercise and then there hiccups, and life stuff. So folks, what I am confessing is that I have not been as successful as I had hoped. The good news is that I did lose approximately seven pounds, and I haven’t gained that back. Also good, I have continued to weigh myself and I still believe that the scale is a friend – extremely honest, and at times forgiving. The bad news is that I do not believe, realistically, that I will achieve my goal of losing 40 pounds by my birthday (early August). And that has been weighing on me – a sense of failure that, like fog, has surrounded me, made me gloomy, moody and hard to be around. I have a hard time finding my way out of that fog. I’m not sure that it has lifted, but I think it might be starting to retreat.

On Easter Sunday, I was chatting with my brother-in-law about the running races he has done recently. He has completed a half marathon and is continuing to train for another. He looks good and feels great. I was reminded of my first 5k that I did back in April of 2007. For me, running and completing that race was huge! I had NEVER thought that running in a 5k was something that I could do, and I decided to prove myself wrong. And. I. Did! While I was training for that race, I lost weight, and felt awesome! I was in the best shape of my adult life!

Please note: I have stated time and time again since than, that “I really don’t like running” – I am not one of those people who is religious about their runs. When training, there were times that I would have to force myself to the gym and would be grousing about the thought of running during the entire drive. Some runs were wonderful and I felt great – other runs were hard and painful, mentally and physically. But, what I ALWAYS liked about running was that my workouts could be fast! I got better results in less time than when I had tried other activities. And, most of the time, I enjoyed the time alone – I could think about anything I wanted or about nothing at all. It was my time.

So, on Sunday night I decided that I would try running again. And, on Monday morning I woke at 5:45am to go for my first run. …And then again this morning.

Ahhhhh…SOLITUDE!

(like I haven’t experienced in SO long!)

The sky was just beginning to brighten. The birds were chirping. The cement was damp from the dew. The air was crisp, clean and wonderfully breathable. No one was around – sure, I saw cars, and I am guessing that people were driving them – but I didn’t pass a soul on the sidewalk and I heard no words spoken. It was just me, my running shoes, and the beginning of a new day!

Oh, and there were bunnies.

Today was a three bunny run.

Yesterday six.

In Print!

Today's post is little celebration!  This feel a bit boastful...but I am excited, so, boasting or not, here it is! 

A few months ago I submitted a clean-up activity to the My Great Idea section of Family Fun Magazine and this month they used it! 

YEAH!

(And...I even got a little bit of cash-a-roni too!  WOOT!) 

Is was a little dissapointed that they didn't use this adorable picture of Owen that I submitted.

But hey, even without the pic, it's pretty neat to be in print!

March Lessons Learned

Wow, it's already April! How did that happen?

In the spirit of this being a purposeful journey, each month I am taking the time to reflect back and take note of the lessons that I learned.

In March, the lessons I learned are:

1. That judgments, guilt, and beating myself up are detrimental. When I judge others, take on unnecessary guilt and have unrealistic expectations I am not only negatively impacting myself – as a mom and as a woman, but I am contributing to an environment that perpetuates such destructive behavior for all moms.  (I learned that: here, here, and here)
2. It is vital to be honest about our feelings, perceptions, and experiences of motherhood. When I am honest and open I feel less alienated and alone.  (Enlightenment happened: here)
3. Sometimes it is important to just stop and have fun!  (Fun times: here, and here)
4. It’s not as scary as I thought to “put myself out there!” In fact, I feel stronger and more confident because of it!  (Confidence builders: here, here, and here)

Yeah! Cheers to March!

What did you learn about yourself this past month?

Expectations of Motherhood.

This is the last in my series of posts about my new favorite mom book I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile. The other two posts are here (Dirty Little Secrets) and here (Mom Guilt). And I should mention that I was NOT asked to read and review this book.  I found the book at the library and really liked it, so I decided to blog about it.

A theme throughout the book is mothers’ unrealistic expectations of themselves. A month back, I had this wonderful Aha moment about my self-imposed definition of being a good mom, and found that I was being incredibly unrealistic and unfair. This realization has helped me be nicer to myself and a better mom, so I really related to what Trisha and Amy wrote about expectations. They also recommended making a list of our expectations and analyze their impact.

So I identified and evaluated some of my expectations.

EXPECTATION 1: I will wake up happily each morning and feel excited and ready for the day! And, almost daily, I fail. My oldest son, AB is an early riser. Typically he wakes between 6:00 and 6:30am. While he is good about following our “you can’t come out of your room until 7:00am” rule there are times when he wakes me because of some “important” question or story he has to tell. But, regardless, I am not a morning person and when 7:00am does arrive, I am not feeling happy, excited, or ready for the day. Most mornings I am not well rested, grumpy, and all I want to do is roll over and go back to sleep. Not a great way to start the day! Note to self: Must change this expectation, it is unattainable right now.

EXPECTATION 2: Most of my thoughts, actions, and motivations should be for the benefit of my children. Even when I do something wonderful with or for my children, if I do it begrudgingly, or with motivations that are not purely for them, I feel like I have failed. For instance, right now we are all in the backyard and my boys are having a great time painting. But, because I got out the paints to occupy them so I can focus on writing, I feel very selfish and therefore, again, I have failed them. Note to self: Wow, that’s not very fair to me! Time to adjust the expectation.

EXPECTATION 3: I should keep an incredibly clean house, like my mother did. Each time I see a dust bunny, or a dirty bathroom, I feel the pang of failure. It’s almost as if I think I should have cleaned the house before the dust bunny had the chance of forming and that its mere existence is proof positive that I do not clean enough. I know it is not reasonable, and recently, I have tried to be more forgiving of myself. Note to self: Continue to forgive. Dust bunnies and dirty toilets happen. It’s ok.

I know there are more expectations I have – some are achievable and fair and others, like the ones above, are unrealistic. I am working on evaluating each to make changes.

What are you unrealistic expectations that you can change?

As Trisha and Amy say,

“if each of us lets go of the insane expectations, we’ll collectively create an environment that feels much better to us all.”

Sunshine!

Ahhhhh...Spring Break is here and it is sunny and 70 degrees!  Life is good!

I am so thankful to spend time outside with my boys!

What are you thankful for today?