Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My "Dirty Little Secrets"

Peppered throughout the book I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile are real moms' “Dirty Little Secrets”. For instance one mom confesses “I lost my job but still dropped my son off at day care and pretended to look for a job while I went shopping and got a manicure.” Another mom admitted, “I don’t know how to ask for help. I just know how to scream at my husband.” These “dirty little secrets” are the reality of motherhood and I think we hurt ourselves, our relationships, and other mothers when we don’t speak about those so-called “horrible” things. Whether it is unrealistic expectations, guilt, fear of judgment, or something else that prevents us from talking about these secrets, the silence perpetuates these negative feeling. The silence seems to confirm that “Yes, that ‘dirty little secret’ IS awful!” When, in reality, these “secrets” are not horrible. They are merely moms doing their best while struggling with the expectations, guilt, and judgments our culture places on motherhood.

Trisha and Amy state in their book, “So it’s time to get real and start improving our lives in motherhood. And the first step involved being frank – with ourselves and with others.” And to that, I say, “Bravo!” So, in that spirit I offer to you my “Dirty Little Secrets”.
  • There are times when I ignore and hide from my children in another room because I am not in the mood to be a mom.
  • Within the first days of being at home with my second son after his birth, there were times that I thought, “I don’t know if I like him much.”
  • When my boys gave up naps, I was bitter and resentful because they were taking away my afternoon moments of salvation.
  • Sometimes, just before my husband is due home from work, I make vacuum marks on my carpet so it looks like I have “done something”.
  • I am already planning a “WooHooie, Let’s Celebrate with Mimosas!” party for the first morning that my youngest gets on the bus for all day Kindergarten. And, I still have a year and half until that happens!

So Moms, what are your “Dirty Little Secrets”?

Today I am participating in Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday hosted by Shell at Things I Can't Say.


Carey said...

“I don’t know if I like him much.” That made me laugh because that is a true fear of mine. What if I don't really like him? Now, if I do feel that way, I won't feel SO badly about it.

Buggys said...

Don't go thinking your alone here! That island is very crowded.

Jackie said...

Joining you...

More than I'd like to admit, I leave my toddler in her room for "quiet time" after her nap for an additional half hour or so of "quiet time" for mommy.

My husband & sister get a little upset or sad if they go a whole day without seeing the girls (as in, they leave for work before the girls wake up &/or the girls are in bed before they get home from work). On days I work, it totally doesn't bother me.

I seriously need to get this book.

purseblogger said...

LOL, I love these! I am guilty of those too. I so value my alone time. When the kids didn't nap anymore, that was tough. :) I need to get that book too.

Baby Sweetness said...

I LOVE this post idea and think I will have to do something similar. Soon. Before my husband starts reading my blog again...


Life Without Pink said...

This is such an awesome post!!! I was cracking up. The one about not liking your son in the beginning and how you would make vacuum marks on the carpet. That is classic!

Shell said...

I need to read this book.

I love that my boys have such early bedtimes because I need the break at the end of the day.

Thanks for linking up!

Debbie said...

OK - so I HAVE to join in on this one.

I'm with ya on #2...for the first 6 weeks or so all that baby did was wake me up, cry at me and made me bleed from nursing...what was there to LIKE? For the record...I love him now (except when he wakes me up...oh yeah and whines at

My other one is getting up on a Saturday morning, getting him a very pathetic breakfast, letting him settle in front of the TV and then GOING BACK TO BED for another hour or so of sleep. Evil, I know, but in the long run, we probably BOTH have a better day when I do this!

Tylaine said...

I'm so glad I found your site. Your last three did you get in my head!
Gotta read that book. Thanks for sharing :)

VandyJ said...

The sense of relief at the end of the day and both my boys are asleep. I sometimes feel like wilting. Thaks for commenting. I'm following now.

Kmama said...

I'm finally paying a visit to your blog after you commented on my last week. Sorry it's taken so long, and thank you for commenting.

What a great post. I also did not like #2 much when he came home from the hospital. He had to be held ALL THE TIME. Thankfully that passes!!

Danielle said...

What a great way to celebrate and not be solo on the empty nesting first day! So smart you are!

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