During an especially hard time in my life I was reading a book called When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. In my journal I made a note of a concept that I learned from this book. The concept is maitri the author defines as an “unconditional friendliness to oneself.” I was trying to understand the concept, which I believe originates from Buddhists, and here is what I wrote:
“This moment in time, when my life has been pulled out from underneath me and all the feeling that go with that, I need to not run away. I need to face the feelings. To know that if I face them, I grow. In the end, I am a better defined person – I am stronger and better for it. The core of who I am stays, but I grow, change, and become more me.”
While, I had forgotten the word maitri, the concept of facing my feelings and accepting them (without judgment, self loathing, or denial), - which is truly an “unconditional friendliness” - is something I strive to do. Often I fail, and try to cover up my difficult feelings with mindless TV, a glass of wine, food, or another diversion. But there are those times when I succeed and I face the turmoil, and I feel better. Facing these challenges, and working through them, does work! Later in that same journal, I wrote: "I have found my strength!"
Past Revisited Life Lesson 3 – I must remember to not run away from hard feelings and turmoil. I must, unconditionally, love myself, and face the turmoil, to grow and learn.
What have you learned from your past?