Sunday, March 21, 2010


I remember the moment clearly. My oldest, AB was about five months old and we were visiting my brother in Chicago. My husband, JT and I were shopping in a mega huge furniture store. It was a good day. We had AB in the stroller and were casually walking through the store when we can upon a blissful, happy couple. She was clearly pregnant, so as we were shopping nearby, I inquired about her due date. They giggled and smiled as they told me that the baby was due “almost any day now.” It was their first baby. Written all over their faces were a mix of emotions – excited, anxious, nervous, giddy… They peaked into the stroller and cooed and smiled at AB. He smiled back. I could tell they were wondering what it was like to actually be a parent. Thinking about how wonderful it would be to hold their baby and shop with their cherub. Their faces were glowing – the anticipation and excitement of the glorious moments of the future was evident.

I didn’t mean to crush their enthusiasm and joy. I didn’t mean to be a killjoy…but, before I knew what I was saying, it popped out…

“The first 3 months suck, but after that it starts to get better.”

Their faces changed. The excitement was erased, replaced with… Horror?  Disbelief?  Confusion?  Fear? Annoyance?

JT grimaced.

I back pedaled, “I mean, err, aaa…It’s wonderful….it’s just the sleep deprivation that is hard…”

They gave me a half smile.

We moved on – in separate directions.

My husband was appalled.

JT: “Did you have to say that?”
Me: “What? It’s true! The first three months are SO hard.”
JT: “I know, but you don’t need to tell random strangers that.”
Hum…maybe he has a point. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. But then again, I wonder…Why not? What is so horrible about what I said? It was hard.  It did suck.

It was also wonderful, magical, and full of unimaginable immense love and joy. But everyone talks about that.
So why not talk about the hard stuff too?


nicole said...

I think it's hard to tell strangers how hard motherhood can be. You want to seem like you have it all together even when you have mismatched shoes!

That is what I love about having mommy girlfriends. It's great to have a safe place to vent about what crazy twist and turn motherhood has given you.

Nothing is better than having mentor moms- ones that have already been through it and can tell you what you need to know. Then one day you get to be the mentor.

Shelly said...

I didn't mind getting up a million times a night. I actually kept both kids with me on the couch for the first three months. Partly so they wouldn't wake the others but mostly because I was being selfish and wanted them all to myself. They are 3 and 6 now and I relish the QUIET of a newborn.

Debbie said...

ROFL - I can so see you saying that. Maybe not the best casual comment you could've made, but I bet that someday after her baby was born and she had one of those sucky moments, your comment may have come back to her and given her comfort that she was OK. You are so right, the good stuff is always talked about and then if you feel otherwise you think that there is something wrong with you!

Recent Comments